Hello again! Welcome back to our Relational Minds Channel!
Happy Father’s Day, or better put as Happy Parent’s Day! We celebrated that here in Australia the weekend just gone past. Today we are reflecting about how the fathering role is so different to what we used to know and definitely new to what we experienced! So let’s get to it!
In our work we come across some common themes faced by many dads. These include:
- am I encouraging my children to be dependent by naming their feelings too much?
- what do I do to help my child’s social skills?
- how do we balance work and family life as my partner is returning to work?
- what do I do about screens?
If you have faced these, you are not alone.
1. The Engaged Caregiver
Modern parenting is a shared journey, and as an engaged caregiver, fathers play a vital role in the day-to-day nurturing of their children. This role involves actively participating in caregiving tasks, working alongside mothers to support their child’s growth and development.
Research Example: Studies show that when fathers are actively involved in caregiving, children experience better cognitive outcomes. Cabrera et al. (2000) found that children whose fathers are engaged in their care from an early age tend to perform better on cognitive tests and have stronger academic achievement later in life.
One of the key concepts here is about being an attuned listener. This is about more than just hearing words; it’s about tuning into your child’s emotions and needs. This role involves being present, showing genuine interest, and creating a safe space for your child to express themselves. We can’t emphasize enough the importance of attunement, where fathers listen without judgment and respond with empathy. This helps build a secure attachment, making the child feel understood and valued.
2. The Emotional Co-Regulator
As an emotional co-regulator, fathers provide crucial support in helping their children manage and understand their emotions. This role is about being emotionally available and working together with the parenting partner to create a secure, nurturing environment that promotes emotional resilience.
Research Example: A meta-analysis by Sarkadi et al. (2008) highlights that children who experience emotional warmth and support from both parents have lower rates of behavioural problems and higher levels of psychological well-being.
As a father, your role as an emotional co-regulator is vital. This involves recognizing when your child is overwhelmed and helping them calm down through gentle reassurance and connection. By modelling healthy emotional responses, you teach your child how to manage their own feelings. Remember, emotional co-regulation is not just a one-person job; collaborating with your partner ensures consistency and stability in your child’s emotional world.
This leads us onto role number 3
3. The Role Model of Equality
Fathers and mothers are role models not just in their individual actions, but in the way they interact with each other. As a role model of equality, fathers demonstrate the importance of shared responsibilities and mutual respect within the relationship, teaching their children about gender equality.
Research Example: Research by Barker et al. (2011) indicates that children raised in households where both parents share responsibilities equally are more likely to develop attitudes that favour gender equality. This has long-term effects on their social relationships and views on gender roles.
In 2003, research by Ehrensaft et al. (2003) shows that children who grow up in nurturing environments with emotionally supportive parents are significantly less likely to become perpetrators of domestic violence in their adult relationships. This underscores the importance of emotional availability in breaking the cycle of violence and fostering healthy, non-violent relationships.
This is a huge topic for our community at the moment.
4. The Playful Companion
Play is a powerful tool for learning, bonding, and emotional expression. Even more importantly if you have a child who is defensive, this may be due to anxiety or other reasons, play is a great way of unblocking their defences. Your playful interactions, foster trust, joy, and emotional intelligence.
Research Example: A study by McElwain and Volling (2005) found that fathers who engage in rough-and-tumble play with their children help them develop better emotional regulation and social competence. When both parents participate in such interactions, the benefits are even more pronounced, leading to better social skills and fewer behavioural issues.
5. The Social and Emotional Skills Promoter
Fathers play a key role in teaching children social skills, such as empathy, cooperation, and problem-solving. As a promoter of social and emotional skills, fathers engage in play, conversation, and activities that encourage these abilities, helping their children develop healthy social relationships and emotional intelligence.
Research by McElwain and Volling (2005) found that fathers who engage in activities that promote social skills, such as play and conversation, contribute significantly to their children’s ability to navigate social relationships and develop emotional intelligence. These interactions are essential for fostering empathy, cooperation, and problem-solving skills that are crucial for healthy development.
One key point that has to be discussed in the context of social skills development is the need for Setting Boundaries Around Screen Time:
Establishing clear and consistent boundaries around screen time is crucial in today’s digital environment. Fathers can help their children understand the importance of balancing screen use with other activities by setting limits on how much time is spent online and encouraging regular breaks and ensuring that their activity balance is more towards offline and off s green activities.
A study by Twenge and Campbell (2018) found that adolescents who managed their social media exposure and engaged more in offline activities, like sports and face-to-face interactions, had better mental health outcomes, including lower rates of depression and anxiety. This highlights the importance of balancing online and offline activities to foster emotional well-being and resilience.
6. The Adaptive Partner
Modern parenting requires flexibility. As an adaptive partner, fathers adjust their parenting style and work arrangements to complement their partner’s efforts, ensuring a balanced and supportive environment for their children. There is evidence for this.
Lamb (2010) suggests that fathers who adapt their parenting style and work arrangements to be more present in their children’s lives contribute significantly to their children’s emotional security and social development. This adaptability is most effective when both parents work together to balance family and work responsibilities.
7. The Collaborative Co-Parent
Effective co-parenting is a cornerstone of healthy family dynamics. As a collaborative co-parent, fathers work closely with their partners, communicating openly and sharing responsibilities to create a stable and nurturing environment for their children.
Studies such as those by Feinberg (2003) show that effective co-parenting, where both parents communicate well and share responsibilities, is linked to better emotional and behavioural outcomes for children. A strong co-parenting relationship also enhances marital satisfaction, which in turn positively affects the entire family dynamic.
Strengthening the Father-Child Bond Through Partnership
While these roles focus on the father-child relationship, it’s crucial to remember that your partnership with your co-parent is the bedrock of your parenting journey. A strong, collaborative relationship with your partner not only enhances your ability to fulfil these roles but also provides your child with a model of healthy, respectful relationships. Together, you create a nurturing environment where your child can flourish.
Final Thoughts
Being a modern father involves embracing a variety of roles, each with its own set of challenges and rewards. By understanding and integrating these seven roles into your daily life, you can support your child’s development, strengthen your bond with them, and work in harmony with your partner to create a cohesive and loving family dynamic. Remember, parenting is a journey, and with empathy, attunement, and collaboration, you can navigate it successfully, fostering deep connections that will last a lifetime.
